Anniversary XV



June 27, 1998

If our marriage were a person, it would be halfway through high school and eligible for a learner's permit this year! Truth be told, our relationship has kind followed the pattern of human development.  From pure ignorant bliss, to just plain ignorance, to a stage of tentative competence and even, like an annoying teen, thinking we have it all figured out.

Just like an infant, we started out in awe of this marriage thing.



Such kids

Life was perfect and we were on cloud nine -- for about a week.  We quickly discovered that married life has its discomforts as well and we (ok more like "I")  became prone to temper tantrums, terrible communication and drastic behavior. "How drastic," you ask?  Let me assure you that I have a flair for the dramatic that manifested itself on many more than one occasion.  Like the time I stormed out of the apartment and had all my hair cut off to make a point -- not exactly sure what that point was, but looking back at the pictures I am certain it was a horrible idea.

It really made it hard to tell us apart -- not my best look.

Or the time I bagged up all of Eric's belongings and pitched them down the stairs and into the front yard.  Of course, he followed suit by chucking all of my stuff out -- sans bags -- what a pointless mess.  I can't imagine what our neighbors thought.  There were lots of tears and lots of the silent treatment, but somehow we progressed on through a series of "growth moments" (as a friend of mine likes to call them) and matured -- slightly.  Maybe it was the addition of the kiddos or just mellowing over time...

Yes, I was completely drunk and totally exhausted and again -- terrible hair choice.

All of the, now meaningless arguments aside, I'm truly thankful for that thoughtful, well planned, strategic man of mine.  He learned pretty early on that we wouldn't make it if we weren't intentional about nurturing and feeding our relationship.  So, here are 15 of his best ideas:

 

1.  He started a tradition of annual anniversary getaways that we take turns planning.  (Took me five years to figure that out, but I take my turn now). 

Celebrating 10 years on the Pacific -- He planned that one!

2.  He instituted a monthly date night that he protects like some sort of rabid beast.  

Ok, not a date night photo, but I do love this picture of us.

3.  We have a weekly lunch date where we meet halfway between our offices and picnic in the car.  

Cheap date, but its nice having an uninterrupted conversation.

4.  We have Sunday evening movie/Hulu nights. 

5.  He prioritizes time with our kids.  

But he won't stab a worm...  ;)

6.  He creates amazing experiences for me.



7.  He cooks for me.

But only on special occassions, sideways and its never Hamburger Helper (he knows I hate that stuff)!

8.  He gets plenty of rest.

So this one sometimes annoys me, but it does give me plenty of free time!

9.  He is an adventerous Dad.

Though sometimes I question his judgement -- Hurricane Walks are dangerous!

10.  He doesn't take himself too seriously.

Hot mess right there...

11.  He gives me space to do things I enjoy.



And sometimes even surprises me with a visit.

12.  He includes me in his hobbies. 

Even though I'm bad at it and make too much noise.

13.  He leads us spiritually.

14.  He is honest with me, even when it hurts.

15.  He tells me I'm beautiful....a lot.

 

What's my point?  Well, its certainly not that I married a saint (though I think he's pretty close).  Its that, left to my own devices, I am a suck-o wife.  He makes me a better one.  I hate systems and structure, but we need them (especially in this stage of life) and I'm grateful that he's put so many in place.  I think we would really have to actually try in order to fail.  The point is, relationships are just like humans -- we need to be fed, nurtured, sheltered, loved, taught -- and that doesn't just happen.  Without constant tending and effort, we are destined to fail.  Thanks honey, for not being willing to let us fail and for investing your heart and soul into us.  Thanks for making me a better version of myself.  I love you.  Happy fifteen.